One of a Kind
by lovelynightmarexxo
Summary: What would happen if i was made to go to Forks to meet the Cullens along with 15 fan girls?  I may just kill myself... or them... either is good.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, This is anti-Twilight. if you don't like it don't read it.  
this was going to be a one shot but it is 4.30am and I'm going to sleep. So chapters it is YAAAY! :D**

**What would happen if my cousin won tickets to go and meet the Cullens with 25 fan girls and made me come?**

**Oh yes. There will be blood.**

Courtney sat in the car sobbing. There were few things that could make her cry, and this was one of them. The 15 year old was _afraid_, nothing had scared her more in her life. Courtney who wanted more then anything to be put in one of Jigsaws traps so she could come out alive and become an apprentice, Cunning Courtney of Slytherin, who wanted to join the dark lord after she left Hogwarts. Courtney, who could sit through any horror movie you gave her and laugh, had been crying since she left her Melbourne home. She was crying on the car ride to the airport, she cried on the plane, and driving to their destination she cried, from Australia to America, she was still crying.

"You can't do this to me!" she pleaded. "Just leave me at the harry potter theme park! I'll sleep in Hogwarts!"

"No Courtney! you _have _to come with us!" Her 12 year old pain-in-the-ass-twilight-loving-brat-of-a-cousin Sandy said.

"Please! I won't survive! there are 15 of them and only one of me! and I couldn't get my wand through customs!"

"That's right sweety, whatever help you sleep at night," Her dumb-as-a-rock auntie replied

"WHY DID MY PARENTS LET YOU DO THIS TO ME!" Courtney screamed, winding down the window and attempting to jump out, but her Cousin had brought a friend, and her friend had brought her hulk-like big sister.

"Sit down," Hulk girl said, pulling Courtney back into the car by her hair.

"FINE!" Courtney screamed. "I'll just have to make do with what I've got." She whispered to herself hysterically. Desperation was setting in... She didn't want to die in a town named after a utensil, she didn't want to be murdered by a cult of lunatics! no... She wouldn't have it, she was going to die with her dignity! She wrapped the seat belt around her neck in a desperate attempt to end her own life.

"MUM SHE'S DOING IT AGAIN!" Sandy yelled, and her auntie handed a pair of scissors to hulk girl, who cut her seat belt. Courtney, who didn't believe in god, started praying "please let the car crash," she muttered under her breath.

"I'm sooo existed," Emily, her cousins friend exclaimed. "We actually get to meet the Cullens!" The thought made Courtney want to throw up. _The Cullens_, those _things _that had ruined every vampire book and movie she had ever loved. Ruined a book her dad had read to her when she was a baby 'salems lott' now they where _real_ vampires.

If there was one thing Courtney wanted to do, it was steak Stephenie Meyer through the heart, because she couldn't do that to the Cullens, oh _no, _dear, sweet, soon to be diseased Stephenie had made sure of that. They had to be _invisible, _sun couldn't burn them, nor could garlic repel them. And a steak through the heart wouldn't end their eternal sparkling either. For such Pansy's Stephenie sure made them hard to kill. But Courtney was sure a good Avada Kedavra would kill them. After she had finished with the Cruciatus curse that was.

Courtney put her mind to trying to think of a way out of this. But she couldn't do it. She had never failed at getting out of things she didn't want to do before. From P.E. to baby sitting, not once had she failed. But as they pulled into the dreaded land of forks, she knew it was all over.


	2. Chapter 2

Courtney walked up the drive way, feeling completely defeated. The only thought she had to comfort herself was that at least she had taken this opportunity off one member of the crazy cult. But she would still rather have been put in one of Jigsaws traps then be here. Scratch that, she would rather be at a Miley Cyrus concert then here, and that was saying something. At least _she_ didn't like Twilight.

Emily and Sandy appeared to be having some form of attack. As they approached the door, Courtney could here people screaming inside. She prayed it was the beginning of the Apocalypse. God let her down.

As they where let inside, Courtney realised that this was in fact_ not _the Apocalypse. But one girl wearing a 'team Jacob' shirt had thrown a girl wearing a 'team Edward' shirt onto a now shattered glass table and the two girls appeared to be attempting to tear each others through out with their teeth. _Cannibals_ Courtney though to herself _not only are they deranged, but they're cannibals_.

An unnaturally pale woman with yellow eyes (wasn't that a symptom of liver failure?) was attempting to restore order amongst the two cults.

"RIGHT!" She boomed "Team Edward over there," She pointed at one side of the room and half the girls, and one guy, moved. "And team Jacob over there," she gestured to the other side of the room the remaining girls followed her hand. The party Courtney was currently and most unfortunately traveling with moved to the 'team Edward' cult and left Courtney standing in the middle of the two cults.

"Oh?" The woman said, Staring at Courtney. "team Switzerland?" She asked her, the two cults laughed.

"No," Courtney said. "I'm team Potter." The cults broke into an uproar, they started yelling how Harry Potter wasn't even in the same league as Twilight. This was true, they where insane, but even they could realize how Harry Potter was far superior in every way. It had a point, for example. Unlike Twilight, which was Stephenie Meyers test to see how many times she could scam morons into reading basically the same plot. Edward loves Bella... Vampire tries to eat Bella (god bless those vampires)... Edward is to 'dangerous' for Bella... Bella cries... it goes in increasing levels of boringness.

"CALM DOWN!" The woman called. "Well... I'm Esme-"

"Oh, you are the one the sparky fairies 'call mother'?" More screaming from the 'team Edward' cult.

"Um... sure," Esme said. "CARLISLE!" There was an excited muttering from the two cults as a man who also had unaturally pale skin and yellow eyes (The people in this house must have a _serious_drinking problem) walked down the stairs.

"Yes Esme?" He asked her.

"I don't think this one will be able to stay with the others," She said.

"Why not?" Carlisle asked, raising his eyebrows at Courtney.

"Because they'll probably sacrifice me to Stephenie Meyer in my sleep," I said. Esme nodded.

"I guess she can stay with Alice and Bella-"

"I think I'll take my chances with the cult actually-"

"Yes that will do nicely," Esme said.

"Hello? what am I a rock? THAT WILL NOT DO NICELY!" The two undead freaks totally ignored Courtney and Carlisle took her bag off her and took it upstairs.

"I'll go get lunch," Esme said cheerily and hurried into the kitchen.

"SHE DOESN'T LIKE EDWARD!" One of the 'team Edward' girls (who was rather alot bigger then Courtney) yelled, and she promptly attacked her.

"AH! get off me you muggle!" Courtney screamed as the girl attempted to bite her neck. The other members of the two cults screamed and cheered. Courtney, who knew that biting was no way to defeat someone, Elbowed the girl in the ribs and as she fell off her screaming in agony, Courtney struck her in the head, causing the girl to pass out. Courtney got up and the girls and one guy looked at her in shock.

"Try me," she said calmly.


End file.
